You’re Not Unsuccessful Until You Give Up!

What is the difference between “giving up” and “letting go”?

For one thing “giving up” has a negative connotation; while “letting go” implies a choice.

On a practical level, giving up means “I don’t want to try this anymore” or “I no longer believe this is possible for me.”  When you give up, the general feeling is “I failed” and the long term consequence is regret.

Letting go is about recognizing what there is for you to learn from an experience. It is also about determining whether the effort is still in alignment with your being. If you determine it is not, you move forward to whatever is yours to do or be.

For anyone who has worked toward or tried to build anything that is of value (like a business or a relationship), you have experienced:

  • set backs,
  • challenges,
  • roadblocks,
  • and despair;

alongside our more desired experiences like:

  • success,
  • freedom,
  • empowerment,
  • and a sense of accomplishment or fulfillment.

There is no easy path when it comes to success.

  • For when we achieve our goals, we often set our sights on maintaining what we have or trying to exceed it.
  • For while we are seeking “success” we must face many personal challenges along the way… like:
    • gaps in knowledge;
    • gaps in skills;
    • keeping pride at bay (so we can ask for help);
    • not to mention competing interests and demands on one’s time.

What the path to “success” does require above all else – after intent – is focus.

Early on in my career as a live workshop facilitator I faced many challenges. Okay, some might call them failures (but I don’t).

  • I overbooked hotel space.
  • Signed contracts to rent space for workshop dates with no or few registrants .
  • At times I did not fully understand what my audience was interested in learning.

I wanted to teach mental health professionals about popular culture and media (TV, advertising, movies, news, internet, gaming) and its effect on behavioral health. But they didn’t know:

  • why the topic mattered;
  • who I was;
  • or why they should come and spend 5 hours listening to me.

There were times when I wanted to give up. But two factors kept me engaged.  No, it was not my amazing foresight or self confidence. Instead it was the fact that I’d printed 1,000 brochures and thus I had already committed publicly to offering these dates.

Most of the  brochures were mailed and as a result there were no “take backs.”  I had to move forward whether the workshops were poorly attended or packed.

I had low attendance numbers regularly. Sometimes I’d invite people to attend for free. (Note – people don’t value free live training and often don’t show up).

With the exception of one workshop date in those early years, I did not cancel.  I trained 2 or 3 people at a time if that was all who showed up.

From those experiences with a small audience I learned to pay attention to the individual needs of my attendees. Eventually with the right topics and satisfied attendees, others learned about my work and the numbers improved.

Ironically, while that mailer did not lead to lots of attendees, it did lend itself to people recognizing my name.

Even when I was losing money on workshops, I kept going. Was that the smart thing to do?  Probably not, but over time I learned that I wouldn’t be a failure in my efforts if I kept going and made adjustments when and where I could.

When you try anything you are at risk of failing. There are infinite possibilities related to the outcomes (some good and some not so good). That sinking feeling I still get at times when embarking on a new or difficult project can either be defined as excitement or anxiety.

When I am being conscious, I choose to define life’s attempts at something new as exciting as opposed to scary or anxiety provoking. Of course healthy fear exists; it keeps us from getting into too much trouble.

However, fear of failure is the worst kind of shadow. It symbolizes a fear of ourselves and the possibilities of what we might achieve.

Success is a process (journey). It involves a deliberate focus on gratitude and the ability to notice all that is going well (despite just 2-3 people in the audience).

Failures are rest stops or benches along the path. You can:

  • take a seat;
  • regroup;
  • refuel;
  • seek support;
  • or wallow in self pity;
  • you can go backward; though I don’t advise going back.

As the great humanistic psychologist Abraham Maslow said, “One can go backward toward safety or forward toward growth.” 

Failure is a part of success. How can we be happy with what we achieve without the opposite side of the coin?

Success cannot exist without failure. If you’re not failing you are not trying.

Copyright © 2015 Ruby Blow. All rights reserved.


Login through social media and share your comments below or like the Development Counts Facebook Page . Are you a mental health professional in need of need clinical supervision, consultation or coaching? Contact Ruby Blow today.