What Do You Really Want?
There is something that you want to do, be, have or create. It could be anything but here are some of the most common things people are trying to achieve:
- a loving lifetime romantic relationship; or
- an engaging and fulfilling career; or
- perhaps you want to start or build a business; or
- you may want a general experience of abundance as well financial success; or
- you may want emotional health well-being; or
- it might be physical health, strength and vitality; maybe
- you want to get clean and sober and remain drug and alcohol free.
“Flight” is one of the reactions we have when we are afraid. Whether we physically run or leave a situation or circumstance, we are fleeing the scene. There are times that we should run and times that we should stay and face the challenge.
I’ve written many posts that are about leaving. Posts about walking away from what is not yours. Posts about the importance of letting go. Even posts about saying “no.” All of these posts are about leaving. They are also about running toward something you really want by letting go of what you don’t want. They are about creating space for your life, your business, your well-being.
The truth is that sometimes the fear of getting hurt, the fear of rejection, the fear of falling short of what we want, or the fear that we can’t do it leads to not even trying. We may think that we have tried. But we haven’t given our all. Instead, we have reserved a space in our heart and mind that we are right…that it will “never work.” As a result of this type of thinking, we can’t commit to the courses of action that will cultivate what we want.
- We quit working with the coach or consultant because it all feels like “too much” (money, tasks, time).
- We cancel the date because we think “this is going to be another mismatch” or “disappointment.”
- We put off our health and nutrition plan because there is a holiday or party around the corner or we already “messed up for the day.”
- We close out one business idea and start a new one because “that one wasn’t working.”
Sometimes people run from one person to the next or from one idea to the next or from one cure to the next.
When we run we don’t give anything a chance to work.
Fighting is one of our primitive defenses. Sometimes we fight because we are actually being attacked. But in most cases we are fighting to be heard or understood. There is a type of fighting that stands in the way of what we want in our lives.
This is the type of fighting that involves resisting the lesson. There is a lesson in our experiences. Typically that lesson involves a change in mindset. When we resist what we must change within ourselves, we find ourselves in a battle that we cannot win.
- The fight will follow you from relationship to relationship.
- The fight will follow you from job to job.
- The fight will follow you from business to business.
- The fight will follow you from one fitness strategy to the the next.
- The fight will follow you from one self-help program to another.
- The fight will follow you from therapist to therapist.
The truth is that you have to confront the challenge within before you can see or experience results. If you believe the same thing, you will do the same things. You cannot change your mindset by merely saying it is so… you can only change your mindset by accepting what is without bargaining, anger, resentment or animosity.
When you accept what it is, you can learn whatever you need to learn and then you can put it into action.
Being “stuck” is a function of our freeze response. Sometimes – despite all our longing and desire for what we say we want – we just can’t seem to get any traction. We are virtually immobilized.
Freezing can be a function of feeling overwhelmed, and fear is at its root. But when it comes to building or receiving what you want in your life…freezing is our primitive attempt to stop time. We can’t stop the present moment. Whatever is happening is happening…and then the next moment, and the next…
We have to move with the flow of time…this can be accomplished by breathing. Taking deliberate breaths. When we “freeze” we are folding inward.
- It is important to expand and contract the lungs.
- It is important to feed oxygen to the body.
- It is important to allow the nervous system and the brain to communicate.
- It is important to take in and release. Without expansion and contraction we are stagnant…we are frozen.
Next you put one foot in front of the other and move. You do one thing that may be small or easy and then do the next thing. You give yourself permission to not do it all at once. Nothing you build or create of value happens overnight.
We can let fear inform us, but we should not let fear freeze us.
What is the Solution?
The solution isn’t somewhere else. The solutions are not found in a person or place. The barrier is internal. We cannot run from it. We can’t fight it and we cannot freeze to make the barriers go away.
Take 100% responsibility for what is yours…no more and no less.
Copyright © 2017 Ruby Blow. All rights reserved.